Alone

Take this road, see this way, try that specific thing. Thousands of choices you have to make on your path. But they control your path so easily without you even noticing it.

The concept you have as a newborn or an old person is that you are here alone.

Everybody is always connected with other humans/animals. We don't wanna love ourselves or being alone for a long time, we don't want to die alone, not being weak or be hurt alone, don't wanna feel happy moments alone, etc... Why? Let's take the time to ourselves and breathe. Look at yourself, learn from yourself and find the love for yourself.

I left my country behind. I met this amazing person who blew my mind and filled my heart up. But I started my travelling so I could find love for myself so I left him behind. For the first time in my life I chose something for doing it for myself. I walked my own path to see and learn. I realized I really needed this because I was a bird stuck in my cage. Full with fears that were growing. It happened at the first moment I started to breathe on my own again after years of not doing it. People loved me and they tried their very best to help me in the best way possible but I didn't want to be saved. I started to get to know myself way better, in the opposite way that I’ve known myself for years. I was the bird who started to fly.

Breathe, just breathe and take your time. Heal from all the wounds you ever had that I couldn't let go off. Let go and let give it a place. But don't walk with everything in different situations to the same walls. There are so many ways but don't believe we have those walls because we need safety in our lives. I never had safeness even after I was put in a cage. Even when people told me be careful I still went to a lot. Small, fragile, little girl who's here and can't be saved by her own power.

Before I left I had this big conversation with my ex-boyfriend. He said to me "It is a totally different world, Asia, it is way more dangerous and you really have to be careful. They rape and steal a lot of people. " saying this without realizing that I needed this to answer: "I am 21 years old. I have been hit by my mom, I didn't have food always, love wasn't easy to find in my home, pain was always around, aggressive till I couldn't think anymore, I have been raped twice, saw death so many times without being scared since I was a little child and I'm still here. I’ve been through all this without breathing, don't give me more fear but support me while I need it. The world isn't easy but I want to change my perspective while I still can still try it without losing the love for life."

While I was flying I realized again that I was never afraid of the world. Since I was a little child I was always asking questions about adult conversations, wanted to learn so quickly about new stuff and discover different things. It feels so good to breathe again and make decisions on my own. Breathe in and out. Watched so many beautiful places with my eyes. Taking photos of it to reflect my perfect love of the view. Telling myself about my allergies that I’m so lucky to be alive and breathe.

Breathe from the nature again even when I’m allergic to it. I will never stop loving something that keeps me alive but also slowly kills me. That’s why my biggest love is the nature because in the end we are all nature. Humans, animals, plants, trees and etc. Every feeling I have about love energy makes me live and makes me die.

That is also why we live, to feel that connection and energy so bad. Some of us will never find it, others are not looking, some of us feel it in every single move they make.

I prefer to slowly die after seeing/feeling so much of breathtaking moments. I feel it in every move I or others make. Like I said before, it is a connection that connects everything on this planet.

17/11/2017