How is it to grow up while being ‘a victim’ of abuse?

I will speak, and a thousand persons will exactly know what I'm saying is true. Sadly, they will recognize themselves in this battle. I'm writing this not because I feel sorry for myself because I'm not; I'm writing this because I'm angry. I feel sorry for that one baby, that one child, that one woman, that one man, and all those lost souls who experience this unfair battle on top of their abuse and don't find any strength to fight. Even when it feels like nobody has your back, I have your back, and I will never turn my back against your honesty and your pain. I will never mistreat you if you come for help or advice to me. You will find a few persons in your life that will support you and trust you on your word; even when it can take a while before they come on your path, they will be there. Don't lose your strength or hopes over someone who is mistreating you. Know that it is a fact that abuse is horrible. Not one single baby, not one single child, not one single adolescent, not one single woman, not one single man deserves to become a victim of any physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, mental abuse, financial abuse, or any cultural abuse. Never believe that people don't know better because they do. They never tried to find help for themselves; that's why you got affected by their scars. That doesn't mean you deserve any scars made by them. We live in different countries, but everywhere on this planet, people know that abuse is wrong.

In Belgium, in Europe, we know that 1/10 children are victims of abuse before their 18. In Belgium, 1/10 parents are being abused. You may think that this is already a lot, but 53% of the child population is reported in India. Each year, 119.000 children are being abused in the Netherlands. 4.1 million child maltreatment referral reports are received in the United States. How awful is it? The lists and numbers are everywhere to be found. We also know all the effects of any abuse on a person. It depends on the victim's personality, the length and intensity of the abuse, the relationship with the abuser, if there is a treatment, and what the treatment is. But most people have those side effects: mental health problems, drug abuse, self-injurious behavior, or post-traumatic stress disorder. Anxiety can become the victim's best friend, eating disorders, low self-esteem, financial difficulties, and don't forget the trauma of their abuse. The victim can get injuries; thousands of children lose their lives to abuse. Young people kill themselves because they are battling this fight alone. We get all this information, but again, we never look further than the end of our nose. If we looked, it would make it so much easier to understand many people in this world. It would help them.

We know that for a million different reasons, victims aren't speaking a lot about their abuse. Not every single victim reports their abuse, and not every single victim will search for help. So actually, how awful the numbers are, the reality is even more ugly than we could imagine. But can we blame the victims for being afraid that nobody will believe them? Or that justice will never be even? Or that you will suffer more with coming out with the truth? Or the belief/fear that the abuse will get worse? Can you blame the victims for not trusting a stranger if most people who hurt them are people they love, know, or are total strangers? Can you blame a victim of sexual assault for feeling ashamed after someone took the abuse of their most holy and secret place? Can you blame the victims for losing respect for love or even losing love for anything if they are being abused? No, you can't blame them. If you weren't a victim of any abuse, I'm really happy for you! Nobody deserves it! But if you are, you will know how difficult it is, and I hope you realize that you are a strong person because each one of you is! Keep yourself strong and fight against it.

They say people who were victims of any abuse have a high chance of abusing adults. I believe that we live in a world that can change this 'fact.' Victims are talking to each other; famous people are talking, the world is talking; if we keep on talking and if we keep on fighting against all that hate and find love for ourselves, we will never treat the people we love like we were treated. It is 2018, we can look at our scars, at our family scars, and we can learn how to love ourselves without needing anyone next to us to prove we are worth being loved. It is up to you to battle and to find your peace, and I know for sure that repeating history will not do that. Let's start with admitting the facts, let's begin to look at the side effects, let's start to look at the family history, let's start to look at how the child is behaving, let's start to look in someone eyes while asking them questions and let's ask people if they are alright if your gut feels that there is something wrong around the energy, the situation or the people. When was the last time you heard a lot of yelling at your neighbors' places, and you had a conversation with them? When was the last time you saw how a good behavior child turns into this rebel, and you didn't blame it on the hormones of being a teenager? When was the last time you heard some glass breaking? You weren't scared to ask you surrounding what was going on when was the last time you had a conversation with any victim and supported them. When was the last time you gave someone safeness, so they know they are safe with you, when was the last time you stood up for a stranger that needed help when was the last time you believed the words of the victim instead of disbelieving them? When was the last time you realized that a child learns habits before they are nine years old. You know that that same child has anger issues; please tell me or remind yourself when was the last time that you cared about how any human being was?

Before I found love for myself, I was struggling with a lot of lies around me. I recently found out that I grew up with various abuses; one of them is' gaslighting' abuse. One of the hard things about this abuse is that it makes you question your reality. They use lies to use them against you or others to make you or others believe you are crazy, and they will deny everything they ever said even when you have proof against them. One of my hardest battles and I think any victim of any abuse will agree to this, is that many people won't believe you or support what you are saying without any evidence. How honest I'm now about my experiences and emotions, I still have people who were close to me that disbelieve me. Of course, the biggest disbeliever is the woman that repeated our family history. Until some weeks ago, the only thing I would like to hear from her is I'm sorry you experienced your childhood like that and I'm sorry I left you alone in all those feelings. Now, I realized that would never come from anybody that isn't willing to look further than their nose, anybody that will not accept that a person they love may have more significant flaws than they could imagine. I also realized, and I hope you guys will recognize this one day, that it doesn't matter if you didn't see the abuse with your own eyes (ps: most of the abuse is hidden away). It is about the experiences and the feelings of the victim; if people are in pain, listen to them, and believe that they have pain/problems. There is no way you can compare pain; every person can experience pain differently with different experiences; no matter how small or big the abuse was in your eyes, the side effects will be there. So be there for the lost souls instead of feeling sorry for the persons who never cared for themselves. Now, I found love for myself, and I promised myself to live my life with no lies; I will always tell the truth. If anybody keeps on lying to themselves or others about my experiences, youth, emotions, body, and thoughts, they have to realize that it won't affect me anymore. The people who are standing next to me still, after years of telling them that I will write a book about my life, never disbelieved me, and they were always there to promise me that I will get to this moment in my life. I love myself, a moment where I found myself and a moment where I'm happy to be the person with all my flaws and scars. I'm in control of telling the truth; I'm in control of loving myself, I'm in control of developing my mind, body, and health. If I can do this, so can you! Any person in the world has this power! I hope that they and any person on this planet will find their truth someday, and I wish them joy, love, and happiness.

22/11/2018